Daylight
by NewDawnFox
Summary: What would have happened if victoria had got bella when she cliff jumped? would she have got away? read to find out. please.
1. Chapter 1

**An: I don't own Twilight**

**Daylight**

**Preface**

I never gave much thought that **this **would be how I would die, but if I did I would have fought, I would have kicked, I would have screamed, even though I knew in my heart that it would do no good. The look in her ruby eyes told me that I was not going to see another sunrise, never see my friends or family again in this life.

All I wanted this day as I walked to the cliff jumping spot, was to hear his voice in my ears, to see his face with my eyes, to feel his touch on my skin, as if he was still here beside me. I did not think of the angry waves that were buttering against the cliff at first beach or the howls of the wolves as they tried to find me, they were lost to me now.

The only thing I knew was the way my body seemed to know that his voice, the only one that would reach me now, the one that would sound furious, velvet, and perfect at what I was about to do, would quench the burning hole in my chest. The hole that even my best friend Jake could not understand or take away.

I knew that this was **the **most reckless thing I had ever done yet, and I had promised him that I would keep myself safe, but the pain of not hearing him was indescribable I could not go another day without hearing him. The pain was easing now as I took my steps to the cliff's edge, and looked to the waves bellow.

"_Bella...don't do this, please for me"_

His voice, the one that I needed to heal my pain, I had heard it. I smiled and then before I could talk myself out of it or before Jake could come and rescue me, I flung myself off the cliff. I sliced through the icy water once I hit it and turned around and I surfaced, I looked up at the cliff above me, was that it? where was the challenge?.

As I stared upwards, I did not see her until it was too late. I was grabbed and pulled under the stormy waves and now as I turned my head I saw who had me. The look in her eyes told me that no one would find me, that she would have her fun and that I would never see the light of day again.

As she bit into my neck as she dragged us further out to sea, my last thought was,

"_Edward, I love you"_

**An: how is that for a start? and to those who might say this is short, remember it is only the beginning, it will get longer from here.**

**Review please more reviews the fast I update.**


	2. Chapter 2

**An:I don't own Twilight**

**Chapter 1**

**Waking up**

I drifted, I dreamed as the darkness that surrounded me blocked what was happening to me, what she was doing to me. I was soon floating above the scene, watching her sucking greedily on my neck. I suddenly could feel his arms around me, as his honey voice whispered in my ear.

"_Don't leave me"_

To which I had but one answer " I can't... you have my heart". I could feel myself floating back down to my body and I heard him speak one last time.

" _And you have mine...so look after my heart...I've left it with you for always"_

Then suddenly I felt the pain, the pain of the vampiric transformation as I came back into my body and then I knew somehow I had got away from her. How? I was not sure. maybe it has something to do with the sea.

The oceanic sea whirls me around and around, then the current snatches at me and I tumble over and over, blinded by my own hair, pain of the transformation and the darkness of the current's roaring heart.

I will never know how far I traveled because of the venom that is fast spreading through me and the current that would not let me go. I think I must have lost consciousness sometimes because the sun always seem to be in a different place each time I could stand to look at it, but not for long. I never stayed under for long, my visions of Edward kept talking to me, kept me fighting, kept me from dying.

"_Bella don't give up fight"_

I don't want to give up, but the pain and the water weigh down on me, as if a mountain has fallen on top of me. I don't know how many days, or has it been even hours I have been in the ocean's waves but I finally feel something not the pain leaving, but the tide taking me into the nearest shore.

I am alone, completely alone as the pressure of the pain that is bearing down on me becomes so strong that I scream over and over again. Calling his name over and over and over again as the change from human to vampire happened.

The burning grew like a forest fire surpassing any kind of heat I had ever felt, including the pain of the bite of James. I wished that I had died when she had pulled me under the waves, the pain of her biting my neck, this pain was too much.

"_Bella, love... I'm here"_

The fire blazed hotter, I screamed out, begging for someone to kill me. I would not care who, whether it was Jake and the pack because I was turning into a cold one or her coming back to finish what she started. I would be glad for this nightmare to end.

The fire was spreading now further and further, then suddenly my mind became clear. I had to survive this, I knew that now. For if I did I might find him again and maybe now he would want me now I was like him, maybe he would want me forever.

As I thought this, the pain and fire raged on and nothing else, not even time deadened this. Now my hearing got clearer and clearer, I could hear the waves and the pounding beats of my heart and the shallow breaths that gasped through my mouth.

As the pain continued, I continued to get stronger, my thoughts clearer, so much so that even though I could hear the sounds of the scared voices of the animals all around me, I could still think of home, of my dad Charlie and my mum Renee, of Jake and his friends, of the Cullens but mostly of him.

A little while latter the pain changed it started to fade, fading slowly, but at least it was doing something. Then I felt it, the fire in my throat, the thirst that they had told me about and then the fire in my heart got hotter.

I screamed again and again, I could hear my Edward's voice call out to me as I burned.

"_Bella... Bella, my love"_

The fire kept on ripping hotter and hotter dragging all the pain from all the other parts of my body. My back arched, as the fire seemed to be dragging me upwards with the fire now only in my heart it went into one final, unbearable surge before stuttering a couple of times, then thudded quietly once once more before stopping for all time.

Now there was no sound. No pain. I flashed my eyes open and gazed around me in wonder.

Everything was crystal clear, from the lights dancing on the ocean, to the dew on the trees behind me. Behind these lights I saw colours like minute rainbow. So beautiful that I inhaled in shock. I smelt the scents of the ocean and forest that was around me. I felt the sand beneath my hands, which I picked up to look at, it looked like to my eyes like tiny diamonds.

I also heard the animals of the surrounding area call out again now that I was awake. My hand now flew to my throat, it was aching in need. So dry, but then something distracted me, something that made me think wow. My reflection in the water.

My first reaction as I got up to see better, was that I was now beautiful, paler then I had ever been alive and my hair, which trailed down to my waist, was now thicker with red and gold highlights. My arms and legs looked strong too but the thing that scared me most about my reflection, was my eyes, brighter than a wildfire, they had me quickly move away from the reflection.

So quickly I nearly ran into a tree.

I laughed at myself as I slide to a stop, how Emmett would have loved that. Then I thought " oh well my idiocy might have followed me into this life but at least I am pretty".

I laughed again, I listened to it this time and I noticed that it sounded like a bell.

Then I felt the flames of my thirst again and I knew, I now needed to hunt, which had me nervous, I wished my first hunt had been with Edward, as the first smell hit me and I took off for the forest.

**An: like it? review... even if it is a "great, update soon" they all help flame my muse. Again please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**An: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 3

First Hunt

This forest felt much more alive than the one I knew back home in Forks, with all the small animals, insects and birds all of whom were too small for me ever worry about, but they were shaking in fear as I past as if I would kill them if they moved. I had always wondered about how he and the rest could move around the forest so easily, and now I had my answer, he had been right, he would never have hit a tree, running for vampires was easy.

I laughed as I raced over the ground, feeling the ground that should have been hard beneath my feet, soft, as if I was running on feathers. I then jumped as I came to a waterfall and it felt like I was defying gravity. My leaping bounds stretched longer and still longer as I got used to the way my body worked now.

While I ran I lost none of the clarity of the forest around me, even though everything had been reduced to a green blur, I could still see the dew on the leaves as I flew past. Dancing in and out of the trees, I finally slid to a stop, knowing now that I was in or near the middle of the forest, that I needed to take care of my thirst.

Now that I thought about it again the first time since the beach, every happy memory of my mind, every other thought that I ever had just left me, the only thing I could think about was the scorching thirst of my throat.

I held still trying to listen for something to drink, something that was big enough that it would tame my wild mind. I heard a lot of things around me, I closed my eyes to make my mind focus on the animals around me.

I heard now the birds in the treetops with their fluttering heartbeats. The small squirrels as they chewed on their nuts, but I needed something bigger, so I let my ears hearing range, range out farther. Suddenly a noise near a watering hole, this animal sounded big.

I could hear the splash of water as it drank from the watering hole, the loud thudding of its heart, pumping thick streams of blood around its body. I wrinkled my nose, how did he and the others do this? I had no idea, but I was not going to hunt humans, I may not be with them anymore but I was going to follow what they did or at least I was going to try.

My eyes snapped open.

Without even thinking about it I made my way to the scent, it was a large deer, all on its own, he had large horns and a big body, the perfect target. Something told me that this deer would take my thirst away.

As I readied myself to take that animal, the wind shifted and I could smell something, something that smelt much better than the deer. I did not even stop to think about what it could be, just that I had to have it.

I could hear voices now as I neared where the smell was coming from, rough human voices, not the beautiful velvet voices of the vampires that I had known. I tried to make myself leave, I did not want to hurt them, but the scent made me stay, as the got worse and worse.

_Blood lust_

I heard his voice say in my head, then I heard the humans talking and I could not hear him anymore, only their voices.

"Elena have you got everything set up? you know what Damon is like with his camping gear. It all has to be set up right" said a darkish haired male.

"Please as if I did not know that know Stefan, I am just glad he lent us this gear in the first place. One thing has me worried though, why did he not come with us?" said a girl with long dark hair and from what the male had said I realized that she must be Elena, that means the other was Stefan and they know someone called Damon.

I tried to keep this running though my head as I fought the monster known as blood lust, those instincts were hard to fight. Then I heard Stefan speak again.

"He does not want to destroy our last single trip. The next one we take, we will be man and wife" Stefan said his eyes shinning as he looked at Elena.

"Yes, not too long now" Elena started to say, I could hear the purr in her voice, I focused again as she said something else "I can not wait to be your wife, its like I have known all long that you are the one that I was born for. My destiny" Elena moved over now and gave Stefan a kiss, that made my dead heart ache.

As they were doing this, my feelings were that besides my aching heart, were of pain, confusion, fear and more. They were all getting mixed up with the blood lust. I shake my head trying to clear it and trying to focus on the fact that these were people they had lives to live, the fact that Elena and Stefan were going to be married. Something that they would have, and that I and E..Edward, it was hard to think that name, would never be.

As I looked down at the couple again, the wind blew my way and I could not help what happened next, the blood lust won. I tried again to hold myself back by digging my fingers into the rock, but my mind was slipping, and the thirst and was getting too much.

Soon I was down in the clearing in a flash, with Elena and Stefan staring at me. I had seen that look before, in myself. They looked at me, dazzled by the beautiful creature they saw in front of them. It was like seeing a deer with a lion, but now they were the deer and I was the lion, just like he had told me before.

"Sorry" was all I said as I became more animal than human, as I moved towards them. Soon all I saw was red. I did not hear their screams that were bouncing off the trees, only that their blood was what I needed and I took it.

When I came back to myself, once the blood lust had left, I realized what I had just done. This was why E...Edward had not and did not want me to become this, a vampire, a monster. I was a monster, a cold blooded killer.

The wind shifted and I smelt something familiar.

I suddenly turned to see two people standing at the edge of my killing field that I did not think I would see again, but would they still see me as me? would they still want me now? I was not so sure.

**An: like it? review. Oh and sorry about Elena and Stefan, vampire diaries fans, I like the show too.**


	4. Chapter 4

**An: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 4

Carlisle and Esme

They looked into the red eyes of the daughter, I was sure that they thought that they had lost. I know they could probably see how scared I was. How I was trembling all over. My body was tense despite the trembling like I just wanted to run.

"Carlisle... Alice was right. We should have been here earlier. She told us that this was what was going to happen but we had promised him that we would not do anything. Bella should not have had to go though this alone. We have to get her to come back with us. I don't want to loose her again. I can't" Esme sobbed out, then acting like the mother figure she was, she took a step forward. I stepped back but still did not run. I wanted to be with them but not at the same time, it was so hard to decide.

"Bella, it is going to be alright, your going to be fine. Please come with us, we will help you. We do not blame you for killing those two humans, Bella. Dearest, your only hours old , no hours old vampire could resist the smell of humans" Carlisle told me, his voice was warm and loving and reminded me of how much I missed my dad, but I knew from what I had been told that what Carlisle had just said was not true. Carlisle had resisted it.

"No you did Carlisle, you did, I am nothing but a blood crazed monster that no one wants. H...he did not want me before I changed, when I was pure and good and now that I am the monster h...he did not want me to be, he still will not want me. Now that I have killed innocent humans, ones that had lives ahead of them, I have lost myself. I am nothing" I told them before turning around. I did not want to see their faces, to see the disappointment in them.

I then suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up into Carlisle eyes, seeing nothing but love for me there. I started to shake, this was too much and before anything could happen I took off, I just could not stay. Not there.

"Bella wait, come back" I heard Esme call out but I knew I could not stay. I was not the Bella that they knew from before anymore. Not the sweet, innocent, shy girl that fell in love with their boy. I could hear something coming from them as I raced away but I was too far away and too much in pain too care.

_Carlisle_

"Carlisle what are we going to do? if we let her go she will most likely hurt herself and other humans. Should we call the others? maybe if she sees them it will help her start to heal"Esme said to me. Her eyes still looking for the daughter that had just run from us.

"We should not push her too much" I said thinking of what I had seen "the more people come at her, the more she will panic, as she is now a newborn, with newborn reactions and she will hurt her herself more and will most likely try and kill any that come after her if she feels threatened, even if she still loves the people that come after her" I said knowing what I had to say next might hurt Esme but Bella must come first for now.

Esme took a breath to say something about what I had just said. I know what she was about to say so I told her what I had to say first " Esme sweetheart, do you not remember those early years. The confusion, the fear, all the emotions that you could not hold back. At least you had me and you were an adult but Bella is only eighteen, a young girl, in the grip of the human hormonal changes, so this will be all doubled for her"

"Your right, of course your right, she is going to be confused and on top of that she just killed. So she is going to hate herself even so, maybe only one of us should go and find her and the other goes to the car and still let the others know what has happened but tell them to stay away until she can deal with this better" Esme said looking at me and then away into even of the forest that Bella had just run away into, before continuing " I think it should be you Carlisle, before you say something about this, I should tell you something"

"What is it you have to tell me" I asked. I was curious now, I was sure I could handle Bella, but what Esme had to say, on the matter. Maybe it would help get though to her.

"Carlisle, I know how much you care about your family, just as much as I do and I know by looking at that young girl, she needs something that I can not give her. She needs her father or at least someone she thinks of as one" she said smiling at me. God I love her.

Why would she think this, sure I care for Bella and yes, I thought of her as my own daughter but for her to think of me as her father had me floored. When had she told Esme that?

And then as if Esme had borrowed Edwards power she told me "Bella told me before we left her on her eighteenth birthday, while we were changing her clothes. She told me that she thought that you reminded her a bit of her dad in a way and if one day she does change she knows that she will have the best father, in you" Esme told me looking me straight in the eyes.

My worried expression changed to one of awe. Was that how she saw me. Wow.

"Leave it to me, I will go and get our daughter back and when I do, we will make sure that both of us help her as much as possible as her parents" I said still in awe at what Esme had said about how Bella saw me.

I helped Esme being the two humans that Bella had killed before I took off, to find our daughter, our Bella. I knew I had to find her quickly the more time she was away from us, the harder time I would have in having to find her.

I ran hard, the branches stretched overhead like a umbrella shutting out what little light the early sky might have held. Vaulting over fallen trunks and dodging low hanging branches. I followed her scent. One thing I thought of as I ran through the forest, was that she was fast.

She would give Edward a run for his money now, I dipped under more branches, and jumped over more pot holes in the ground and darted around boulders as if I was on an obstacle course. She was obviously trying to loose me.

I was not moving fast enough, the momentum she had was that of a predator chasing down its next meal, which I had to remind myself that she was one now. Soon I had lost track of her altogether.

I slowed, straining my ears to pick up. Anything that would help me find her. Soon I heard a sound, sobbing, a young person crying. A moment later I bounded into the darkness ahead of me.

I found her sitting on a cliff side rock with her knees against her chest. Her hands were on her head and she kept saying "I am a monster, I am a monster" her voice coming out in sobs with each rock of her body.

I walked up to her and tried to touch her only to find a shield like barrier around her body. So I just sat at her side, waiting for her to calm down, knowing that until she did, she would not hear me and what I had to say.

**An: For the most part this story will be in Bella's pov but sometimes others will have a pov too. review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**An: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 5

Carlisle's heart

I could feel him beside me but in my sorrow I could not hear anything he might have said to me and I wanted to hear it so much. I needed words that could stop me from running, to stop this pain I was feeling, to stop it all.

I could see the rainbows that our skin caused on the ground in the morning light. My first as a vampire, a killer. Then I saw some of the rainbows move behind me. Was he trying to put his arm around me? if he was I could not feel it but it did stop me thinking like I was long enough that I could hear him saying something.

"Bella, Esme told me what you thought of me before I left and I would like to say that then and now I think of you as my daughter. A beloved daughter"

I looked up and saw him looking straight at me. I suddenly leaned against him and this time his arm could touch me as it tightened around my body and I felt Carlisle pull me in close as if he could help more that way than any other. I wanted to fight his hold but not at the same time, I was so very confused.

"Bella I know you feel confused and scared about what you did but sweetheart your not the first one of us to have ever taken a life"He told me. Rubbing his hand up and down my back. It felt nice. I thought maybe he was some kind of mind reader too, for how else could he have know my pain.

"But I am a monster now, E...Edward will not want me, how could any one. I am a killer, a cold blooded murderer and I know I will probably kill again" I sobbed out and Carlisle just pulled me in closer to his body and I laid my head on his shoulder knowing that this was probably the only comfort I would have in my now very long life.

"Bella, Edward never really told you about what happened after his rebellious time did he?" Carlisle asked. Lifting my head to meet him in the eyes. I tried to remember but it was like looking through muddy water, hard too think of that time and the cloudy human conversations that happened then.

"No I don't think so, Carlisle its so hard to concentrate on them or anything else" I said, shaking my head thinking that this might help but all it did was make my eyes loose focus on Carlisle's face and focus on the world around me.

"I know and I thought not, anyway as Edward would have told you he had a rebellious stage about ten years after he was created. I think some of it was normal teenage hormones, trying to test his limits, seeing what he could really do. Not really trying to hurt anyone, not even the people he killed. The other was at that time I was now with Esme and maybe he was feeling crazy" Carlisle said with a small chuckle.

I thought about that, what had he been like? did he think of the people he had killed as I did? I know he told me that they were all murderers but still. Did he hate himself for that time? think he was a monster as I do? I knew he use too but I know that I will probably never not once think that I was not a monster.

"I know he was able to move on from what he did but I don't know if I will be able too. at least not now. What with the people I just killed were mer innocents. They did not deserve to die, not there, not like that" I yelled out. It felt good to yell my pain away. Carlisle just held me, letting me know that he was there.

"Dear daughter, you are not a killer and neither was Edward, not that he always listened. He told us of what he did while he was away, of the people that he had killed and how he had felt about what he did. Of course we did not blame him. He was and is our son and we love him and all our family"Carlisle told me.

I interrupted him by saying "but that is the problem Edward and the others are your family. You would never leave them hurting"

"Bella dearest we never meant to leave you. We thought that by leaving you, you would be safe but do not think that we did not think of you as part of our family. Bella you are my daughter, then and now. Someone I love as if they had been born to me" he told me, gently running his hand down my back again but softer this time. Calming.

I shut my eyes and leaned in again, feeling the warmth of his body and his words wash over me before I heard him say something else.

"Besides everyone is different, everyone has their own challenges and we will help you through this and whether you stay with us after you have got control or go on, is your choice but know this, Bella we love you, for just being you"

"Can I really come with you, I mean I am just a newborn nothing special. I know you said you love me but why? I mean I was only a human who fell in love with your son, who still loves your son but now I am a vampire who has killed humans and like I have said before will most likely kill humans again. How could you still love me?" I said in near tears, even though I knew that vampires could not cry. I wished I could.

"Bella from the moment I met you in the hospital after the accident with Tyler's van. I knew you were some one that I could easily like and when we found out that you and Edward were falling in love and I began to think of you as one of the family" he said pulling my head up to look him in the eyes again.

"You don't think I have lost my soul. Like Edward seems to think he has lost his" I asked him. I knew his answer from before but I wanted to hear it again.

"Do you believe that you have? I am not sure so I am hoping for us all that there is still a point to this life, even for us but I know we are suppose to be damned, but do you feel damned remember its not your fault" he told me as he continued to hold me to him.

"But I brought so much bad with me, I mean with James, Laurent and her..."my voice got quieter when it came to saying her name, until I just could not say it. If Carlisle noticed he did not say anything.

"Yes that might be true but think of what you have done for Edward, for us all. Before you he could not help but question what it meant to be a vampire. He thought that he was complete in himself, but when he found you, he found his other half" Carlisle said looking up to the sky.

I thought of the way I had always thought of him. The way I was positive that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. He told me that my blood sang for him. So maybe his blood sang for me too or at least something of him did. So maybe once I leant how to be a good vampire I could go to him and he would want me now.

"Carlisle" I said and when he looked at me I continued "Daddy" I saw him smile at that word "I want to go with you if you will have me? I don't know if I will stay but I love you and Esme so much and I know you will do everything in your power to help me not kill again"I said looking up at him, he smiled again or was he still smiling at me, then he got up with me in his arms holding me close again.

"Bella you will never not be welcome my dear sweet daughter. Lets go home" he said placing me on the ground before taking my hand and leading me back though the forest that I had run so fast through. Towards home.

**An: Just saw the host it was good. anyway happy easter to all.**

**read and review **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Coming home

I had been told that the thirst is so maddening in the first year and because of this that a newborn vampire is often more animalistic and wilder than the older vampires that had been around for centuries but I did not know it was going to be like this. As I was following Carlisle I could feel my instincts, I wanted to kill him but not at the same time.

When we got back to the car that Carlisle and Esme had driven here, Esme came forward to hug me again but like before my instincts had other ideas. Some part of me thought that she was going to hurt me but for the most part I knew she would not but I still moved back slightly. I felt Carlisle place a hand on my shoulder and give it a squeeze. So that once she got there to us I could feel safe as she put her arms around me, I could sense that she needed this and so I let her do it when all my instincts were to run.

Then we got into the car with Esme driving and Carlisle and I in the back. As Carlisle and I sat together his hand gripping mine tightly, trying to give me the confidence that it was going to be alright. As I could feel my body reacting to the people around me, I started to hear and see things that made me want to get out of the car. The humans in their cars. My gaze focused in the distance beyond the windshield, to the humans in those cars. How I wanted to go after them. My mouth was watering with venom, I felt another squeeze from Carlisle and that caused me to frown and then I closed my eyes trying to stay good. Stay here with the Cullens but it was like I was in the throes of a migraine, it was hard to stay in the moment, to stay human when the beast inside wanted control.

I did not want to be here and I did , my feet moved restlessly against the floorboards, as I was deciding whether to push back against my now natural instincts or attempting to push through. I did not like this, to be contained, I know I had to endure it because it was needed. We needed the car to get to my home but still it was hard and the beast growled.

Carlisle asked me now "how do you feel?" he knew that my blood hunger was not my only problem right now and when I did not answer, not that I could form an answer, he embraced me. It was nice. It was a human emotion and for that I was grateful. His hands combing through my hair, reminding me of when Edward did it. I looked up at Carlisle but I did not see his face, I saw Edward's. I was now not thinking of the people in the cars, I was very present in this moment, of this embrace.

As the car drove past a field full of flowers, I suddenly pulled away from Carlisle only to jump out of the car and into that field. What I found there I did not want to leave. It was a flower, a beautiful blue and gold snap dragon flower and it smelt heavenly. It reminded me of phoenix, of when Renee and I would plant snap dragons all around the house and how when Charlie would came to visit they would make him sneeze. How had I found this one flower that reminded of home in amongst all these I did not know nor did I care.

"Bella honey" Esme said and when I turned to look at her, she continued "do you want to take this flower with us? it is sure beautiful and should travel easily enough".

"Yes please, but I am scared to touch it. I would crush it to pieces if I tried to take it from the ground and something like that should not be lost" I said, not to sure now whether I meant the flower, Edward or myself.

"Bella sweetheart, I will help you. I will not crush or hurt this beautiful flower and your right it should not be lost" Esme told me before gently putting her hand down and pulling out the snap dragon's bulb and wrapping it up in cloth, so to protect it as we continued our way to the new place that they were living now.

As we got back in the car, still with Carlisle next to me. I felt peaceful almost happy. I kept the flower with me on my lap, smelling it every time I felt the pain of thirst coming on. It helped with control.

And then after a few more miles, we suddenly pulled into a long drive way to a small meadow or now as I looked at it again it was actually a lawn. The trees that grew down the side of the road, a protecting shadow right up to the walls of a castle like house.

"Wow" I said as I got out of the car. I did not know what else to say it was obviously being painstakingly restored by Esme. Would I really fit in here? I mean this was a place for angels, not monsters as least not monsters like me.

I remembered when Edward took me to their old home in Forks and how I thought of their three story house. Meeting the Cullens for the first time knowing what they were at their house had me worried and how Edward had laughed because I was worried about what they would think of me not because they were vampires but would they think I was good enough for their son. Once I had calmed down I could appreciate the timeless beauty of the house that was probably hundred or more years old.

As I looked at this new house I thought that this house was probably older. There was a stone archway that the car had driven under and leading to the immense building there were flower beds. Just waiting for my beautiful snap dragon flower. A stairway led up to the main doors, which were dappled with carved roses.

"Wow, how old is this house" I said now, my natural curiosity getting the better of my newborn instincts. As I reached out to touch the carved roses, Esme answered my question.

"Its at least seventeenth century. It is suppose to be a historical mansion" she said lovely, smiling at the old house.

"I forgot to ask before about where we are we? are the other here? is he here? I don't want to stay if I will be in the way. I am sure I can do this. I do not want to be a burden" I said this all in a rush, my new voice sounding like a hand running up and down a piano's keys, then I looked down at my flower again not wanting to look her in the face. My hands trembling.

"Bella you are not a burden" Carlisle said pulling my head up to look him in the eyes before pulling me into a one armed hud as to not crush the flower, before continuing " the others are in different places all around the world. Edward at last report is in South America. So it does get a little lonely without them here and having one of our children back is a blessing"

"And as for where we are? we are in Ithaca, actually a little north of the city" said Esme moving forward. I could see she wanted to hold me again but without Carlisle's help.

I looked at Carlisle then back to Esme, suddenly I do not know what came over me but I was soon in her arms, my head on her shoulder. I was crying or at least what vampires call crying. they were dry sobs but still I was crying.

Esme just held me until I had calmed down and my dry tears had stopped. Then she said " come on sweetheart lets get you cleaned up". I suddenly pulled away. How could this gentle soul love me? how could anyone? Carlisle called me his daughter and I know that is how Esme thinks of me and maybe one day I would see myself as a person again but right now between the Bella I was and the Bella that I am now, I could not or would not see myself clearly.

**An: poor Bella she doesn't know what or how she should feel. maybe you have an idea on this? until next time.**

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	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Esme

"Do you want to put that beautiful flower in this bed by the door? it will get all it needs. All the warmth and rain, everything" Esme said putting her hand on the flower in my hand trying to ease it out of my grasp.

Was she still talking about the flower or was she talking about me? I thought about that as we placed my snapdragon in the ground. I could not seem to ask her about that though but if she was talking about me I would try to blossom here just like my flower that we had just placed in the ground.

Now we entered the mansion. The place was gorgeous, if the outside had looked like a castle that sleeping beauty might have lived in. The inside looked more like something from a magazine. The foyer was tiled in a light green marble, with a crystal chandelier that hung from a thirty foot ceiling. It smelled like furniture polish and flowers. As we climbed up the central staircase that was broad, white and flowing like a person an old movie might dance down it. Esme now pointed to the rooms on the first floor we had just got to.

As she said which rooms was which pairs, I had noticed that she had said my name and Edwards together when she had pointed to the room on the right. Was he still going to want me? as I enter the room and saw that it faced a lake that was out the back of the house. I could not help the thought that would not leave me alone.

"Esme do you really think that he will still want a killer like me? I am not the Bella that he left. I am a vampire now, I have killed humans and I know I will try again it is something that all young vampires do but I do not know if I will be able to stay away from humans. I know you do not see me as a killer but that is what I am" I whispered looking out the window at the lake and feeling the Persian rug that I was standing on. Anything but to look at her face.

"Bella my dearest daughter, it is not only that I do not think of you as a killer. I see the pain you have, the pain of what just happened to you and what we did to you as well. So much so that I want to hold you and never let you go. I also know that you have said you will most likely kill humans again and you seem to be focused on that and you are right you might but you must understand that everyone but Carlisle has killed at some point. Jasper more than anyone else. Does that mean I see them as killers? no they and you are my children and I will love them no matter what" Esme declared.

I smiled the first real smile I have since coming here and maybe since coming home it now felt like home. The room now as I could see it clearly, looked a lot like his room back at Forks. It had a lot of music and a beautiful bay window that opened out with a seat, so you could see the lake better.

"Do you like it? I have not had much time with it yet but maybe you could help me with this. I know Edward would not mind what you did in here. He would love any thing you picked out because of what he feels for you, but first if you want to get cleaned up. The bathroom is though that door" Esme said before pointing to a door on the left.

"That would be great. I would love a bath" I said looking to the bathroom door. Even though I had spent most part of the last three days in the ocean, I knew that I did not have to know what I looked like now to feel like some kind of sea monster. I knew my hair and body would be a mess with blood, dirt, sand and who knows what else on them.

"Alright dear, you do just that and I will go and get you some newer clothes to replace the ones you have on now. Before you can say anything I am not Alice and will not force you into some thing you do not want to wear but I think I can find some thing that you will like" Esme told me looking at the clothes I was currently wearing.

"I am sure you can find some thing that I will like better than Alice ever did. She seems to think that I was her personnel barbie doll and that I should look like a movie star. She did not seem to realize that I was happy with a t - shirt and jeans outfit" I said before walking to the bathroom door and going though.

As I looked around the shiny white room I saw the bath and I had to laugh. It was one of those old looking ones with the lion's paws for feet. I turned the taps on and got undressed and then I slid in to the water.

As I finally started to relax I heard Carlisle and Esme talking downstairs. Were they saying something about me? did they realize they did not want to deal with me? would they want me to leave? I had to know so I listened very hard to what they were saying.

Esme said in a soft voice that was hard to hear even with my hearing "you know I could not stop her Carlisle. Alice being who she is I am glad that she saw that she had to say away for now but I know that it wont be long before she turns up with Jasper and I just do not know what will happen and about Bella's reaction when she does. You saw how she was with me"

I could hear her opening cardboard boxes that must contain clothes because I could hear the sound of fabric moving between her hands.

"I know what you mean and the others are going to be the same way but if the family push her, she will run and there is no one besides Edward who is fast enough to catch her if she does" sid a very worried Carlisle

So they did want me, well at least Esme and Carlisle did. What would the others think? suddenly I did want to see them, all of them, even Edward. Even if they did not want me, I know I would want nothing but them. My family. Then I heard.

"Alice told me she has been trying his number on his cell but he is not picking up. She thinks he will soon, he can not stay away from us forever. He will find out soon and then we will see what happens" said Esme.

I could hear her closer now, she must be in my room. I looked down at my body I could see now I was clean but I still had to do my hair which was now softer than it had ever been.

"Bella sweetheart are you done? or do you need some more time? or do you want some help?" Esme said before coming though the door.

"Yes please I have yet to do my hair. I did not know where the shampoo was. I just mostly wanted to soak" I said to her, then watched as she came in and reached up and took a bottle out of a cupboard.

"Bella of course I will help you. Alice and Rose do not let me touch their hair. It is as if I will damage it in some way" she said laughing a little before using the bottle of shampoo and I now knew that she probably wanted to mother me a bit to make her and me feel better and I knew that the way I was feeling now some mothering would feel great.

"I know mom and thanks" I heard a gasp at what I just called her and I heard her now starting to sing softly as she washed my hair, I was sure if it was possible she would have been crying. As I listened to the slightly off tune voice I thought for the first time in a long time since my birthday I was at peace.

**An: was Esme okay? I was not sure she is hard to write for.**

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	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Alice and Jasper

As I got dressed I thought on all that I had heard while I was in the bathroom and what it would mean to me. Alice... I was really surprised that she was not here before now. She was the one I knew that had told Carlisle about me and where he and Esme were to find me and what I was now, I just hoped she had not said everything. I would tell them all everything one day, how I ended up this way but not this day I was not ready, I know that Carlisle and Esme would not push me on the details but I did not know if Alice would be the same way.

Would Alice be here soon? knowing her possible. I know she and Jasper probably were not to far away and would come now that she knew it was safe for them to come, but was it yet? I did not know. I felt better than I did when this first happened but still.

I walked down the staircase a little to fast, I was still getting use to the way I moved now and vampire speed was not helping me, but at least I did not run into the wall. Emmett would have let me have it if that had happened although the only one hurt in that situation would have been the wall as I would have thrown Emmett threw it. I laughed at this thought, then I shook my head as my emotion changed again when I thought that as Esme would not like a hole Emmett shaped in her wall, even though she would not blame me.

I found them in the living room, Carlisle was reading the newspaper and Esme was going through some boxes probably trying to find more clothes and things for me. I smiled at that, Alice would not like that, she would probably take one look at what I was wearing and what was in those boxes and shopping would be the first thing she would do or maybe she would shop on her way here. I started laughing again at this thought only to be met with two sets of curious eyes.

"Some ones in a better mood" said Carlisle, his eyes going from me to his paper again.

"Hello sweetheart I am glad those clothes fit you. Do you need anything else?" Esme asked smiling at me and then when I shook my head she went back to the boxes. I went and stood by the window. I did not know how to say that I had heard them.

"Bella say what ever it is you have to say. You know it will be fine" said Carlisle looking up at me and Esme was also looking over to me, I decided to tell them.

"I heard the two of you talking while I was in the bathroom. So I know that Alice being Alice, will be here soon, wont she? and I am not sure how I feel about that. But I know that she will do what she wants whether I am ready for her or not" I said then froze as I saw a car pull up the driveway.

Carlisle got up and crossed to where I was and placed an arm around my shoulders pulling me into him. I was trembling, I was going to try to be calm and met them but all my instincts said to run that this was too much, but then Carlisle said into my ear.

"You can do this. You know she will not hurt you in any way, I will not let her. All right baby girl" I just cuddled into him. _Daddy _I thought, although I had not said this to him but that he is to me at least as much as my real dad.

I watched as Esme went to open the door as Carlisle stayed with me holding on to me. I knew that nothing will be the same and Alice will try to pull me out of my way of thinking that I was currently sees me as a monster and a killer straight away but I still knew the truth and that changed my trembling form into one that needed comfort and I turned my head into Carlisle's shoulder hiding from the world.

At the door Alice was peeking under Jasper's arm taking in how very frightened I was. When they did not advance I looked at them now from my position in Carlisle arms. I could see that Alice was grinning at me but that was not what I was looking at the most. It was Jasper's scars. When I was human I could not see them but now I could see that the scars left over from fights he must have had and they were his most dominant feature.

Instinctively, I growled and leaped out of Carlisle's hold placing myself up against the wall. I could see now how dangerous Jasper could be. How many had tried to kill him? would he try and kill me? I growled again as they now both moved closer. Moving slowly but still too close. Much too close.

"Bella we will not hurt you in anyway, everything will be alright. We will help you, scared as you must be, it is going to be fine"Alice said to me. I could see she was not the same person that left all those months ago, she was maybe a little more serious.

I stopped growling but I only let Alice get any where close to me. As Jasper moved towards me I started to growl again, I did not want him to touch me.

"Jasper I would not come any closer. She is not ready for some one like you. Besides you can help her from a distance so do not worry. She will warm up to you soon" said Carlisle as he came over and gently ran his hand through my hair. This calmed me down again, like it had in the car on the way here.

I realized I could not handle this, I suddenly jumped up and landing on the first floor I looked down at them all as they looked up at me. I trembled again worst than before, then I ran into my room and shut the door. I knew that one or other of the Cullens downstairs would come up here to see if I was alright.

I felt the waves of calm flowing over me but for once I did not want them. I shut my eyes and said in my thoughts _stop it Jasper_. Then I realized as my eyes opened again that I could not feel them any more. What was going on? maybe I had some kind of power, more than just a shield. I was thinking on that when I heard them talking downstairs.

"She is blocking me Alice. That power that blocked Edward from hearing her. Well it is stopping me now too and do not tell me you can see her future any more either, I know you have only been getting flashes since she was changed" Jasper said. He sounded worried "maybe I will not be able to help her like you said I would".

"I know Jazz and I know I was right by sending Carlisle and Esme to her first. Even though we were closer, Bella needed some one to talk to her like a parent"Alice said "and I know she is probably listening right now"_ oh great _I thought and if I had been human, my face would have been bright red.

"Alice, why don't you go up and talk to her. I know she still loves you, she just is too confused about all of this to think clearly" Esme said. Yes I still cared about her, but how could I trust her when I did not trust myself.

Then I heard footsteps on the stairs and a knock at my door and Alice saying "Bella please may I come in?" I did not know whether that would be a good idea but I knew that if I did not do it she might stay outside my door until I did open it.

"Okay Alice come in... say what you have to say then get out. I am just not into company" I told her. I watched from the bed I was sitting in as she walked into the room. She came over and sat with me, she placed her hand in mine and gently gave it a squeeze.

"Bella, I am sorry I did not see this happening to you before it did. I promised him that I would not look and I have not but when I saw you on the beach in pain, crying out for him, for your father and mother too, I knew I had to do something so I sent Carlisle and Esme. Now that Jasper and I are here, we will do everything in our power to help you. Even going and getting my pig headed fool of a brother for you" she said with a smile.

I looked at her, the smile was that of an eight colored rainbow. So beautiful. I knew what I needed and she might be the one to help me get it.

"Alice do you mean that?" I said looking straight into he golden eyes. When she nodded I continued "I think I need to find out what is happening at home with my dad. I think I need to know that he is alright"

The feeling that I had to know how my human father was, was indescribable. Also I knew he would have news on Jacob too. I watched Alice as I saw the wheels turning in her mind. Would she say no that? that it was not possible?.

"Fine we will call him but we will do this my way Bella, no ifs, no buts, no maybes, got it" she said looking straight at me looking for the first time like a vampire.

"Yes, my sister" I said.

**An: sorry for the late update, made it nice and long to make up for it. Hoped you liked Alice and Jasper coming into the story and they will not be the only ones.**

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	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Dad

"To make this work, only Carlisle and I should speak. Bella I know it will be hard for you, not to say anything but he can not know where you are. He is a policeman and he might just come here and try to find you and your in no shape to see him get"Alice told us as we gathered around the dining room table. This table served as our meeting place where we could put the phone on speaker in the middle of the room.

Esme sat with her arms around my shoulders, and while I would have wanted Carlisle to hold me as I was still the most comfortable with him, Esme as my mother would do. I shook with emotions that I could not explain, soon I would hear my father's voice after so long without it. I know that he was probably in pain, and worried about me but I needed this, I needed to hear voice.

My breathing spiked as Alice dialed Charlie's phone number. I curled into Esme as the phone rang out, Carlisle looked at me as he sat on our other side, he could see how stressed I was. I felt his hand in my hair which like the other times before calmed me right a way, as I thought about why this was, the only thing I could think of was that Edward liked doing it, and my mind was always calmed by it before I was turned. I laughed lightly at this I think my new dad likes doing this for me. I shut up as Charlie answered the phone.

"Bella is that you? please answer me Bells? please what ever has happened you know you can come home" Charlie said desperately down the phone line. I bit my lip. It felt funny. My new teeth were sharper against my granite like skin than my human teeth had been against my soft human lips.

"Sorry Charlie, it is just Alice, what's happened? why are you asking for Bella? isn't she with you? I did not know she was not there"Alice said pouring on the right amount of worry.

"Oh it is just you. Sorry Alice I do not mean to sound disappointed it is just that Bella has been missing for nearly a week and I was just hoping that it was her" my dad sounded like he had not slept in a long time.

"Oh Charlie sorry again I did not know it is just we have had some trouble here too and I was hoping to talk to Bella about it" Alice said. I was now getting a handle on myself. I felt the calming waves that Jasper was trying to send to me. So instead of trying to stop them I just let them happen and I felt better because of it.

Carlisle could see that I was better, I was still not a hundred percent but better. He pointed to himself and Alice nodded. Something was going on.

"Alice what has" Charlie started to say before Carlisle interrupted him "Charlie it is Carlisle are you telling us that Bella has been missing for a week? Edward has been missing for at least that long has well. Do you think they could be together somewhere? I know he did not want to leave her but this, I just don't know it is not really like him"

Carlisle sure knows how to push the right buttons, all in the training I suppose, for Charlie said "Edward is missing? maybe they are together somewhere, hopefully he has not done anything to my little girl to hurt her because right now I feel like bursting in somewhere with a loaded gun and letting loose'

"I know Charlie, I know, and if they are together he will not hurt her I know how much he loves her, more than his own life. Charlie I will look into this and as soon as I have some thing I will contact you right away, for even though I did not know her for very long I felt like she was my own daughter too" Carlisle said, holding my hard as he said it, looking deep into my eyes. I was feeling like I wanted to cry but I could not. My dads.

"Thank you Carlisle and I know your Edward is a good boy and will take care of her if they are together and I know that they will turn up soon" Charlie told us. I could tell he was sounding a little better. Better than I was.

I was starting to shake and tremble. I wanted to say something to my dad now but I could see Alice shake her head but I want to make Charlie and myself feel better and I saw her look at Carlisle.

"Sorry Charlie we have to go now, we will contract you very soon. Goodbye"Carlisle said with a worried look at me as Alice hung up the phone.

"Bella, I told you not too. You were going to talk. What would that have done, he would have come up here to get you and you would have attacked and killed him. I saw it. He can not know that you are alive just yet. One day I promise. Bella, you are looking a little strange. Are you alright? Alice asked me at the end of yelling at me.

I did not answer because I did not know . The way they were looking at me, the pity in their eyes. I felt strange like I had too many emotions running around inside of me that I know right then I needed to get away.

I ran, out the door faster than I had ever have. Out of the area, I know one or more of them would follow. So I needed and wanted to put some distance between me and them. It was not going to be forever, just a short term thing. I just needed time to think, to deal with what I had just heard and to remember that I would most likely never see my father again.

Suddenly before I knew it I was on the ground with my arms around my knees that were drawn up to my chest. The pain of that knowledge was to for me. I just had to get a handle on this not hunting humans thing. I knew I needed to hunt again soon. Would I be able to stay away from human blood which was why I had too stay away from my father.

Thinking of this made me remember Jake. What would my wolfy best friend think of me now? the pack could not get mad about my transformation because the Cullens had not been the ones to do it. So if or when we one day go back there, there would not be a war. I wondered if the pack would stink like I had been told they did. So a big worry down.

Another worry would be the others, my bear like big brother Emmett, his wife Rosalie and my well, I hoped my boyfriend Edward. How would they like what had happened. I missed them all. Then I felt the fire of thirst and my hand went to my throat.

"Your thirsty again, little darling" Jasper muttered from behind me. A human memory from before, of my birthday flashed before my eyes, of Jasper snapping at me. Would that be me? again?

"Yes I am but I am worried about going to hunt again. Will I be able to stop myself if I smell humans again? I don't know" I told him.

"Bella you are doing fine. Usually a newborn is so mad with newborn madness that they usually have a hard time adjusting but you even though you have tasted human blood you are quite controlled and once we help you get past the whole killing humans thing I think you will do just fine"Jasper said coming up and sitting at my side.

"How do you know I can do this? I mean I want to do this, to one day see my dad, Charlie and have some kind of normal life, like you all do"I said looking at my knees. I did not want to look at him just in case he did not think I could do this even though he said I could.

"Bella I know you can because I did, though I am still working on it. I think you will see my first year was a lot worse than yours will ever be. I can see you do not believe me so I shall tell you of my first year"Jasper said with a smile.

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	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jasper's first year

"I suppose you can see all the scars all over me? I will just say my turning like yours was not some thing I wanted at the time" Jasper started to say and when he saw my face when I thought back to when I did want it he continued " Oh I know you wanted to become one of us for a while back when we were in forks, you properly would had Edward or if he could not or would not, I am sure you would have got Carlisle to do it. Am I right?" Jasper finished saying and then placed his arm around my shoulders.

Yes if I had thought that he would have given me what I wanted ever since that day with James but Edward would not hear of it, he wanted me to stay human. To have human things like grow up and have a family, what a joke. My life was never going to work out that way. If I had, had my way I would have had Edward change me or Carlisle if Edward still would not do it, Carlisle knew how I felt about it. Not her, not that witch. I growled at the thought of her and that made Jasper look at me. I could tell he was going to ask what was wrong but I cut him off before he could say anything.

"Jasper did you not know what that person was? the one who changed you? I mean I know your older than Edward, so there would not be any contact lenses at the time. Could you not see their red eyes?" I said looking at him. Even if he did not know that the person was a vampire he must have thought they were some kind of demon.

"No all I could see was three women that needed my help and it was dark. Maria was the name of the vampire that turned me. She along with the other two vampires that were with her at that time were putting together a newborn army" he told me looking away from my eyes.

"Why? what could a newborn army do? I mean I know we are strong but that is about it" I said with a frown on my face. Could a newborn kill an oder vampire? if so that witch was living on borrowed time. She would die soon by my hand.

"You do not know, one newborn like yourself can be reasoned with, by older vampires that are in control. As very young vampires we are volatile and almost unstoppable and place them in a group of other newborns and they will quickly turn on each other as easily as any enemy that you point them at. All newborns whether in control or not, are incredibly powerful physically for the first year or so depending on their diet but they are usually slave to their instincts and unpredictable as you are just realizing" he said.

So now I understood why I was like I was. The confusion and why I wanted to kill humans as soon as I smelled them. It was instinct, but if that was so how was I ever going to stop. Was I worth all this trouble? when the love of my life does not want me. I should have let her finish me off.

"Bella, I can feel what you are feeling now, especially now that you are letting me and you are worth it. To me and to everyone, you are part of us, as we are a part of you" Jasper said going my shoulder a squeeze.

"But how can that be? you say I am part of you. Yet you left me and if you say all newborns know is instinct. How can you trust me?" I started to say before Jasper cut me off, he must have known what I was about to say.

"It is because you do have some control of yourself. I have never seen a newborn do what you did with the phone call to your father" he said.

"Why? what did I do?" I asked, I was not sure that I did anything. Sure I let myself be comforted and I did not take it out on them when I could not talk to him but that was it. Was there more? what else did I do?

"You stopped an emotion in its tracks. You were upset. but when you saw our concern for you" he shook his head then continued " you reined it in, regained power over yourself. Okay you might have left the house but any other newborn that I have known, would have thrown a fit and destroyed the place" he said looking me straight in the eye and I could see the truth in them.

"Wow thanks Jasper. Do you mind getting on with the story? with your history? please?" I said curious now. What else had happened to Jasper? would this effect me? could I learn from what happened to him.

"Sure now where was I, oh yes, any way, Maria and her companions wanted their territories back and maybe increase them and an army was the easiest way for them to do that. That is why I was chosen because she had sought out humans who had potential to be better, who already knew how to fight. At least at the start. When we did something good we were rewarded with, well you know" he said with a sigh.

"Yeah I know" I said clenching my hands into fists.

"Once the newborns massive strength started to fail. I and an other older vampire called peter were told to get rid of them. So she could start again with new ones. She could not see the lives she was destroying" he said

_It was just like her_ I thought.

"The fighting was intense and every time we had to clean house as Maria put it, it took a toll on me" Jasper told me with his eyes on the ground. These memories were obviously hard on him, as he shook a little too.

"But how did you get away? I mean surely this Maria did not want to let go of you" I said with an eyebrow raised, as Jasper finally looked at me again. Jasper sighed and continued.

"Peter had a newborn girlfriend that we were supposed to destroy but of course Peter did not want to do this, he told her to run and he was going to fight me to give her a chance to get away but I told him to go, I could not kill my friend. Maria was irritated. A few years latter Peter came back for me and I ran" he said

_Would Edward come back for me? _I thought.

"I traveled with Peter and his girl for a while but the depression did not fade, it started to become too much. They saw that I was always bad after I fed, so I know how you feel after feeding on humans before. Anyway so I wondered away from them and well found Alice" Jasper said his eyes thoughtful.

"That is a nice story" I said.

"Are you crazy?" he asked

"I mean the last part. The happy ending with Alice" I said defending myself. Would I get my happy ending too? I hope so.

"Yes Alice has made all the difference and this is a climate I enjoy" Jasper agreed "and if I can do this after a century of killing, I know you can do it too"

I smiled, he was right, I could do this "yes I believe you, but now I need to hunt, I do not know why I need to hunt so much but do you want to hunt with me? I want to stay away from humans but do not know if I can yet? with you I hope it will be possible" I said standing up.

"Sure I will be happy to, darling and as for hunting a lot, the younger you are the more you need to feed" he said with a southern gentleman's accent.

As we ranged away from where we were. I loved this part, the speed, I was so much faster than Jasper, again as my feet flew over the ground I wondered whether I was faster than Edward now. One day I was going to find out.

The way was mostly flat that we had chosen, it held ferns and webs of moss. A few fallen trees and boulders that took nothing to jump. For the most part, we ran in silence listening for the animals that we sought and for the ones we should stay away from.

Then after another hundred yards. Something changed, the wind shifted. A scent, and I streaked after that smell through the dark thick underbrush of the forest. Trees flew by at deadly speeds, always missing me by inches. I could not even hear Jasper anymore. Did not even see the animals I took down until the red eyed monster was lifted from my eyes.

I froze.

"Bella, Bella. Can you hear me?" Jasper was trying to talk to me but all I could see was the face of the animals I killed. The humans I had killed.

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	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

His voice, Her voice

I was locked up inside my body, with only what I just done flickering past my eyes. I could feel Jasper running with me, his arms tightening on my body as he flew through the grass. I could hear him trying to say some thing to me but I could not or would not hear him. I knew I could not do this, in my cold dead heart I knew I needed some thing that none of them could give me. I needed Edward.

"What happened Jasper?"said Esme.

I could feel her stroking my face. Trying to get me to respond to her touch, I guessed but her touch was not what I needed, that moment had long since past. A different touch was what I needed now. A different set of hands to hold me.

"She killed three more humans, while we were hunting. The wind shifted, I was not fast enough. Now she blames herself, when she should blame me" Jasper said.

But what I heard in his voice it sounded more than blame. Some thing else had happened in his past that must have been like I went through. I wanted to tell him not to blame himself but I could not find my voice to say any thing.

"It is not your fault Jazz. Your not the one that can stop her. There is only two people in the whole world that can stop her. We can help her deal with light pains but she needs him to get to the root of the problem"said Alice softly.

_Alice_, I thought. Trust her to know what to say to make him feel better.

"But I told her of my early years, hoping that she would realize that she can get past this. I should have seen the signs long before she did any thing. Sometimes I still see her as human, not a newborn vampire that needs my help. If only I had not snapped at her that day, we would never had left her and we would never have had this problem. I can't deal with this" Jasper told them, sobs in his voice and tighter hold on my body.

"No Jasper. I think the only one that can really help her besides herself, is Edward. We need him here. He whether he knows it or not, he is her mate and mates can stop the other from doing something that they do not want to do with just a word or even a touch" Carlisle said smiling softly at Esme, who was still trying to bring me back.

I listened hard. Were they right? was Edward my mate? I knew that was something like a wife and the other thing if this was true would Edward really be able to help me? with just a word or touch?. I did not know. I felt Jasper move me inside and up the staircase to my room. Laying me on my bed, he covered me up and gave my a soft kiss on the forehead and then said into my ear.

"Don't blame yourself little darling, little sister. Come back to us when your ready" Jasper softly said before leaving the room.

I was lost. It was too dark to see anything, my mind would not take in anything that it could see, until there was a movement beside me and Edward was standing in my room, by my window. I got up and went over to him at human like speed. Wrapping my arms around him as he did to me. He felt like home.

I stared up at him as he was doing the same to me. I could not believe he was here or was he here? I do not know how long we stared at each other. Until he spoke.

"Would you please tell me about what is wrong **before **I go mad?"

"Edward... I killed again. I tried to stop but the blood lust and the monster that is me now, was too strong. It is winning. I am scared" I whispered, putting my head on to his chest, not wanting to see his eyes. To see the hatred there.

He waited, his face as now I took the courage to look at it, was full of worry and pain and skepticism as if he could not believe what he just heard. Then he said "Hang on, killed again. Bella, my love, are you a newborn vampire?"

"Yes Edward. How did you not know? did Alice or Carlisle or any of the others not tell you?" I said, then my mind flickered to the time before her... and I realized he was not really here. That like those times, this was my vision Edward again.

But even if it was that Edward. I was still feeling better than I had before. This was one thing that the others could not do,Carlisle was right and I cuddled up to him again. I could feel the growl in his chest. He put his hands on either side of my face and fixed his dark gold almost black eyes on mine.

He spoke with slow deliberation "Bella, you were changed but not by your choice. Something happened, I do not know but I can see you are struggling with what happened. Trying to reconcile yourself with something that you had no control over. It is not your fault,"

"But I fear Edward. I fear of going out there again and loosing control. I fear of the possibility of killing another human and mostly I fear of loosing myself and you" I said looking in to his eyes.

"Bella, do not panic. We are all here for you. Even the ones who are not actually there. Do not feel threatened"then he kissed me forehead to calm me down before continuing "nothing to worry about"

"Nothing but impending doom" I told him shakily, then I sighed, letting my eyes close, resting calmly in his hands. Calming my fearful heart.

"Bella, hear me. You are still yourself. You will always be my Bella. Your just a little more durable" he said and with that my eyes opened again.

He was looking down at me. His lashes casting long shadows across his cheekbones and then he dropped his hands from my face to place them around my waist. Then he pulled me closer than I thought possible, to lay his head on top of mine. He was breathing in my scent. Lowering his mouth to place a soft kiss on my lips.

As I felt his lips touch mine, I slid my eyes shut again and when I opened them again. I was still laying in my bed, I had never moved. Was Edward just here or was I right and it was just my vision Edward again? no I could only smell the others. So what was that?

"Breathe, Bella. Don't be a coward" I told myself.

I knew then what I had to do. I had to go downstairs and talk to the others. Then I felt something, I turned over and faced the window and like a ghost or a vision, Edward was standing there and he was smiling at me. It was my smile, the crooked one and then he was gone, and I decided to get up.

Edward

What was that? I felt like I was really talking to Bella, but she looked a little different, like a vampire. I could tell she was very scared, something had happened very recently and it made my dead heart ache over her again.

But this was not the first time I had seen her. I had seen her doing some crazy things and by (I think) saying something to her, trying to stop her from doing what ever it was that would put her in danger and she would either not do it or she would go through with it and I would want to take her into my arms after what ever she had done and comfort her.

This time she said she killed humans, as if my sweet Bella would do that. Even if she had somehow become one of us, a vampire. I knew she would not kill humans, it was just not in her nature.

I had to see her. To see that she was still my Bella and that she was human and not a vampire. I was anxious. Had something happened to her? maybe I had better call home.

Then I thought about what I had just seen in my vision. Was it a product of my desire? that I was ready to have her join me and my family in my world and if she would take me back, I would make that promise to her. To change her as soon as it was safe to do so.

Was that what the vision was trying to tell me?

That, and I was so scared that she would do something bad or reckless and I would loose her too soon. I took out my phone to make the call home and then saw the number of messages on it. It looked like Alice was trying to get me pretty bad but also I saw others from Carlisle and Esme and I knew I could get to the two of them, very fast. Even though I could talk to them over the phone, some things you have to do face to face. It would only take a day or two and I wanted to talk to them about what had just happened anyway, but I had to get a plane from where I was to their place in Ithaca, a plane full of humans, that I had to suffer through. I knew now, right at this very moment, after booking my ticket, what I needed and what I wanted.

Time to hunt.

**An: I love this chapter and went a little overboard with it. Hope you liked Edward, more soon.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Emmett and Rosalie

As I came downstairs to find the others, I found that Esme had her head on Carlisle's shoulder and his arm was around her and rubbing her back. She looked like she would have been crying if the was possible for a vampire or maybe she had been, at least the vampire version of it anyway. Was this about me? or was this about something else?.

"Carlisle... Esme" I started to say and when they looked at me I suddenly couldn't look at them as I continued "I am sorry for what happened. I just do not know how to handle things too well yet and I guess it was too much for my mind to handle" I said with my eyes to the ground. I didn't want to see the disappointment in their eyes or to tell them much about what had just happened with Edward.

Then I suddenly felt Esme's arms around me, holding me so tight that if I was still human I would have been crushed to bits and then Carlisle's soft touch in my hair, like he had the first time he had comforted me. They obviously did forgive me for what I did. Did I forgive myself? I was not so sure but I felt better, so I smiled and embraced them back.

"Sweetheart, there is nothing to forgive. We are just over the moon, happy that you are all right. I was scared when Jasper brought you in here and you were in some kind of coma. I just thought that I had just lost another baby. Bella do not do that to me again" said Esme holding me tighter like she never wanted to let me go.

Just then we heard the door. Who would this be? I knew it might be Edward but maybe not.

"Forgive...I hope it is not something I have done?" said a half joking voice from the doorway. There standing with an easy familiarity was Emmett and just behind him was his beautiful wife Rosalie. I could tell she was shocked to see me, but that soon turned in to a glare. Obviously they did not know the details of why I was here and why I was like I was.

I quickly hid behind Esme and Carlisle. I was shaking as I was filled with human memories of when she last looked at me like that. The pain of it still hurt me and I didn't need a vision of Edward to tell me that she wouldn't hurt me like that again. Esme and Carlisle wouldn't allow it to happen.

"What is she doing here?" Rosalie yelled at Carlisle and Esme before rounding on me, now that I had moved back a little from the sound of her voice "were you so set on this life that you followed us here and got yourself changed Bella. Did you hate your human life so much that you had to find a way to end it" Rosalie practically growled at me.

"Rose...stop" Esme growled at her, pulling me from behind them. I was shivering. Did she think I thought so little of my family or friends that I would end it all?

"Bella is and always will be part of this family and we protect what is ours, whether she is with Edward or on her own, she will always be one of us" Carlisle growled out darkly, he placed an arm around my shoulders, then turning a dark glare on his eldest daughter.

"Over my pile of ashes" she growled out before storming up to her room and slamming the door. Lucky the doors here were not that easy to break. I wonder those idea that was?

Emmett looked between the slammed door and us then came over and gave me a big Emmett style bear hug. I was so surprised with that, that once he placed me down, my mind was reeling. I was not sure what to do. Whether I was to hug him back or growl or what.

"You sure she is a newborn? she's too tame" he said before taking off to talk to Rosalie.

Would she ever get over my transformation? it was not my idea to be turned by her. I growled at that thought. Carlisle gave my hand a squeeze before heading up to talk to them. Esme just said "she will come around"

A little while later, I was sitting watching t.v. for the first time since my change. It was strange to say the least, I could see all the pixels that were on the screen. It kind of comedy. I guess Alice thought I had, had enough drama in my life. Jasper and Alice sat with me. I had my arms still around Jasper after I had just said sorry for putting him through my dramatic condition and he said he understood but next time to let him know and he would make sure it did not happen again. Although right now as I took my arms from around Jasper, I was confused, Alice was smelling me and writing some sort of list. What was this about? I was just about to ask, when Alice answered for me.

"You do smell nice. I never noticed before and I guess that was one thing Edward loved about you" she said but that still didn't tell me what the smelling was about.

"Alice...what is this about? what is that list?" I asked as she then moved on to touching my hair and writing some more in her notebook. This was starting to freak me out.

"When I go shopping for you because it looks like it is going to be a while before you can do it yourself. I am going to try and get clothes and other things that suit certain things about you, that is what this is about" Alice said with a smile. Finally answering my question.

"Can I help?" said a voice from across the room.

I looked up and saw that it was Rosalie. She did not look like she hated me anymore, maybe pity, but it did seem she did not see me as a friend either but on her face was one of sorry. She knew, (well at least as much as the others did) Carlisle, when he went up there before must have told my story to them, but not the whole thing. I had not told my full story to any of them yet and if I had my way I would never tell it.

"Sure Rose, be glad of another woman's eye"Alice said and with that they took off with Jasper being pulled out by Alice to be their carrier. How much were they going to get me?

I called out "at least get me some normal street clothes" I meant this for Alice and to Rosalie I said "if you want me to forgive you for before, make sure she does not go overboard please, my sister"

I heard laughter from inside the house and outside before I heard the car take off. I looked back at the t.v. without really seeing it, I was alone now, all alone and I was not freaking out. That was a lot better than well the last time in my room and I should try and get used to it. For they couldn't be with me all the time and I had to get a handle on y emotions without Jasper, to gain control, that was the first step but what I knew in my mind and what I knew my new body could do was different and I was worried, of what I did not know.

Suddenly I felt a pair of arms pull me into their body and onto their lap and just held me. I soon realized it was Emmett trying to be the big brother he knew I needed. I placed my head on his chest and closed my eyes, breathing in his forest scent. It calmed me, then I knew by the way he was holding me, that I wasn't the only one that needed calming.

"Bella, Carlisle told us of what happened. Of how you were changed and of what happened after. It was her? wasn't it? it was Victoria?" he asked.

I flinched. I still didn't like to hear or say her name. I guess when I didn't say her name before, when I was talking to Carlisle, it must have been obvious who had done this. I started to shake and I felt his arms tighten around me, like Jacob, trying to hold me together.

"Please don't say her name. Please it hurts!" I sobbed out. Then I was suddenly clutching at his shirt, and holding on for dear life. I could see her face, the way she had looked as she drank from me, her voice as she growled and the feel of her teeth on my neck.

Then I was suddenly out of his arms and in a ball in the corner of the room, screaming at the top of my lungs "**no stop...please...let me go... stop it... it hurts**".

Swiftly Carlisle came down the stairs and picked me up and sat holding me to his chest. I kicked and bit and scratched but he did not mind. He just softly sat stroking my hair and humming my lullaby, something I had not heard in so long. It made me stop and just lay there in his hold, listening to my lullaby again.

"Will you be alright now dearest?" asked Carlisle, sounding ever so like my dad when I had those nightmares when I was a child.

I felt better now.

"Dad can I go back to my room now? I feel much better. Just can you pass on to the others not to say her name anymore I can not take it" I said softly.

Carlisle nodded then said "I will. Later I will come up and see if you need anything my dear daughter. She should suffer for what she did to you".

I smiled at that, knowing that even the most gentlest of my family wanted her to die and then I left. As I climbed the staircase I heard Emmett say "I did not mean for her to react like that. I had know idea how much she had suffered. Will she get better?"

"Yes one day but I think it will take more than the six of us here to cure her. Although we are helping in our own way" said Carlisle.

"What will it take then?" Emmett obviously asked.

"It will take Edward's love" said Carlisle in a serious voice.

And I thought maybe he was right, Edward would know what to say or do. Just like when I heard my lullaby, it was a memory of him. I needed Edward here, even if he didn't love me. I would want nothing but him forever.

**An:wow this was the longest chapter I have writen so far. like it? how was Emmett and Rosalie? was she bitchy enough? tell me what you want for Edward's appearance? how should she greet him? should she be happy that he is there with her or scared at what he might think of what she has done once he knows it is real?. more soon.**

**Review **


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Emmett's Challenge

Some time later that day, I heard laughter coming from down stairs and when I came down too, I saw what they were laughing at. It looked like Alice and Rosalie had bought half the town, there were boxes every where. What was I going to do with all of these clothes. Especially as it was unlikely that I would be going anywhere much for the rest of the year.

Alice! I growled in my thoughts. Lucky that Edward was not here, even he could have heard that one from my silent mind and I had hoped Rosalie would have reined her in.

"No, No way" I shook my head fiercely and then shot a glance at the smug smile on Alice's face. Alice will be Alice I thought now. They all laughed at my look at Alice. I growled. Why didn't Rosalie stop her?

"Whatever" Alice said "just look at how you are dressed. You are a cullen now, it's time for you to start dressing like one so suck it up"

I sighed. You rarely won an argument point with Alice. Emmett let out a guffaw. Something about this would have had me blushing if I could still blush. Though I wasn't sure why, what else had she brought me. Had she seen something that would make me want to blush?

"I will save you little sister"Emmett said taking my hand and leading me outside. With Alice growling behind us, I wondered what we were going to do.

"But Emmett!... look at her... It is killing me about how she looks now. That is clearly the priority" Alice trilled.

Now I laughed, what ever Emmett was going to do with me, it got on her nerves and somehow I liked that. I had played Bella Barbie once too often and I was not going to do that any more especially now that I was stronger than her.

"Emmett, I want" Alice started to say clearly stressed and unhappy.

"No Alice... she needs to learn some of the good things about being a vampire and you playing Barbie is not one of them. She needs to know that it is not all pain and blood" Emmett told her. I could tell that she was just about to say something else but Emmett growled and that shut her up. No one wanted to argue with a bear sized Emmett.

"Well that is a first"said Jasper "it is not often some one wins against Alice".

I smiled and Emmett murmured "there is the enthusiasm I am looking for. You will love this little sister. I find that there is nothing better than what to I am about to show you".

I smiled more. This was sounding better all the time.

"I wish she could be like that with the fashion clothes I just brought her" Alice sighed.

"That we bought her"said Rosalie correcting her. Alice just growled at her, she obviously did not like to be corrected about anything.

I hissed, unable to help my reaction to their words. Sure I did not like fashion like they did but surely I was not that bad. Okay I liked to dress simply with jeans and a T - shirt being my clothes of choice, but that was normal, we could not dress up like supermodels all the time.

"Time to see who is the strongest vampire is in the house. Me or Bella the newborn"Emmett said with a smile then to me he said "Bella how would you like to have an arm wrestling match right now?"

I bit my lip for a second. He was just so huge but then I remembered that newborns were suppose to be strong. Stronger than the older vampires at least. I smiled again and nodded. Emmett's grin stretched across his face, he thought he had this won.

Emmett led us to a small clearing behind the house. There was some boulders standing up out of a jumble of rocks, Emmett placed his elbow on a rock and waved me forward. Was this where we were going to do this? then I knew I had to make this more interesting.

"Okay, Emmett I know you like to bet. So if I win you must put on a woman's dress and parade through the town" I told him "and Alice make sure you get pictures" I told her and she jumped up and down with a happy look on her face, like she was on one of those plastic jumping castles. I guess she knew the outcome.

"Then if I win, you must play Bella Barbie for a week with no arguments. I know how you will hate that, sister dear" he smiled evilly at me as he said this.

I was now nervous as I looked at the thickness of his muscles but I kept my face smooth. Emmett had heard my breath stop and his grin would do the Cheshire cat proud.

"You gonna back down, little sister" Emmett taunted "not much wildly newborn about you, is there?"

I gritted my teeth and grabbed his bigger hand with my own much smaller one as Jasper countered down to start the wrestle.

"One"

I was not sure about this.

"Two"

I heard Alice laugh again.

"Three"

I could do this.

Then Emmett pushed against my hand. I could feel the force he was trying to use, but it was not enough to move me. The pressure increased as his hand shoved against mine with crushing force. I giggled, it felt great to use my strength instead of trying to restrain it.

Emmett grunted. Maybe he realized that he should not have started this. I laughed, this was brilliant. Emmett snarled harshly through his teeth as my laughter was joined by everyone else that was watching this very one sided match.

By now I was getting a little bored, strength was one thing but I liked the speed of running better, flying through the fields that was my idea of fun. As I moved my hand a little then smiled as Emmett was still trying by the look on his face.

"Can not wait to see those photos" I reminded him as I smashed his hand into the rock. A deafening crack echoed off the trees. The piece that broke under Emmett's hand and fell onto his foot, he growled and kicked it off into the trees, cutting a huge fir in half.

I was the strongest vampire. Me Bella, so clumsy that I trip on air. I had beaten the strongest vampire I had ever known. Suddenly I attacked the rest of the rocks. For the first in a while, I was having fun. My giggles bounced off what was left of the boulders and the family joined in, even Emmett.

I heard the others laughing behind me. The chuckles, the snickering. I was having too much fun with a grin stretching across my face, I finished off the rocks, that which by now were only a pile of dust at my feet.

"Well you wanted to cheer her up. I think you have done that Emmett" said Alice "I wonder which dress I shall put you in?".

"Anything but a southern belle hooped dress" Emmett begged. I laughed at that, Emmett with a "gone with the wind" style dress would be beyond words.

"No, maybe, but it will be something good"Alice said with a thoughtful look on her face.

Suddenly the light from the sun burst through the clouds, throwing crystal like beams across our skin and I was lost in the beauty of it. I had seen it on Edward so many times but this was the first time I was seeing it on myself. I was dazzled by it. My glowing sparkle.

We went inside and soon Alice was upstairs going through the clothes trying to find something that would fit and suit Emmett. I was sure he was hoping that she would not find anything, but knowing her she would.

"Okay I have found something, it might not be a gone with the wind style dress but I do not think you are going to like this very much, Emmett" said a very bouncy Alice.

We were laughing again. She had found a sun dress, it looked a little like one of island dresses though. It was a yellow one with white dots and shoes to match, a large flower covered hat with a big brim. Emmett growled.

He took the clothes and marched up to his room to put them on. I smiled again, this had been the best day of my vampire life so far and I was sure it was going to get better from here. As he came down stairs my smile just got bigger. True happiness.

"Go on laugh, take your photos now because I will get you all back and you my little sister, I might have to wait for almost a year to get you back but I will mark my words I will" Emmett told us all as he first glared at Alice, for giving him this to wear, then at me for giving him this bet in the first place, The cameras and cell phones cameras went off as Emmett paraded for us all around the room.

We were so busy with taking the photos that we did not hear a car pulling up. We were too busy laughing so hard, we did not hear the front door being opened.

Not until someone cleared their throat, a soft musical sound, not a rough noise of a human voice. I turned at the noise and could not believe who I saw there. I knew it was possible that he might turn up but at the moment all I could see was his face.

"Bella" He said.

**An: I know you all know who just turned up but what do you think of Emmett in that dress? if you like send me you best drawing of him in it and I will send you part of the next chapter a full week before the others get a look at it for I will not be able to update this story for about three weeks as I am in competitions for music for the next few weeks and will not have time to write. You can also send me Emmett in a gone with the wind style dress if you like too.**

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